


Episode 28 ½: MacGyver

by HopeStoryteller



Series: Cry for the World [1]
Category: MacGyver (TV 1985), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cecil Is Not Described, Cecil Is a Good Boyfriend, Cecil is Mostly Human, Crossover, Fake Episode, M/M, Time Travel, Welcome to Night Vale News Program Format, happy birthday mother dearest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21701158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeStoryteller/pseuds/HopeStoryteller
Summary: Necessity is the mother of invention, yet invention is the mother of necessity. Which came first? Which came last?Welcome to Night Vale.A new man comes to Night Vale. He is not a scientist, his hair is not perfect, and Cecil is suspicious. In other news, Tamika Flynn is forming a militia, Intern Paolo has returned, and a particular scientist with perfect hair may have lost his phone to the horrors of dihydrogen monoxide.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Series: Cry for the World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580779
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33
Collections: Clever Crossovers & Fantastic Fusions, Crossover Favorites





	Episode 28 ½: MacGyver

Necessity is the mother of invention, yet invention is the mother of necessity. Which came first? Which came last? 

Welcome to Night Vale.

There is a new man in town today. He is not a scientist. His hair, while very nice, is not perfect. He is a representative of a vague yet menacing government agency, and he is here for a reason.

We will find out that reason soon, won’t we, listeners?

In unrelated news, twelve-year-old Tamika Flynn is forming a militia. By that, I mean Intern Paolo passed me a copy of _Good Omens_ —you know, the prophecy book by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman—with this quote underlined: “It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”

So, Tamika is forming a militia. I think. Well-read youngsters looking to become physically fit or physically fit youngsters looking to become well-read are encouraged to join. Individuals over the age of eighteen need not apply.

She’ll be out in the sand wastes. Bring a copy of your favorite book and a slingshot.

To the family and friends of Intern Paolo: we are glad to have him back. He is a good intern.

The new man in town calls himself MacGyver. He is not a scientist, despite what he is telling a particular scientist with perfect hair right now. A particular scientist, with perfect hair, who is _not listening to my show now of all times._

...I’m going to text him. 

Hey… babe… wait, wait. Is that too forward? Let’s try that again. Delete delete delete.

Hey… Carlos… the… new… man… in… town… is… not… a… scientist. Dinosaur-with-a-magnifying-glass emoji, cat-standing-over-the-corpse-of-its-own-evil-twin emoji, that should convey the message nicely.

And sent!

Carlos, _please_ check your phone.

He’s not checking his phone. Is _nobody_ in that lab listening to me?

It’s fine, he can handle himself with this… MacGyver. He’s a scientist. A scientist is always fine. And if he is not, the vague yet menacing government agency operates out of the facility everyone knows about on Ouroboros Road.

Excuse me, listeners, Intern Paolo is attempting to get my attention. I leave you with this prerecorded message from our sponsors.

_The vague yet menacing government agency is neither vague nor menacing. We are here for your own safety. Who are we? We are not authorized to tell you. This is also, of course, for your own safety._

_We have sent an agent to your town. His mission must remain secret, for his safety and yours._

_This message was sponsored by the Phoenix Foundation._

I am back, listeners, and—I honestly don’t remember recording that message from our sponsors. Huh. I don’t remember many things, actually. I don’t remember most of September last year, or how my mother died, or if I had a father at all. Presumably I had one.

I’ll ask my sister about that next time I see her. Maybe she remembers.

Anyway. I’ve sent Intern Paolo to investigate this… MacGyver further. According to Paolo, he has left Carlos’ lab and driven off to the Ralph’s.

Carlos is fine. Of course he is, why wouldn’t he be?

Oh! Paolo just texted me again. Carlos says hi, and that his phone somehow got dunked in… di-hid-roh-geen moon-oh-exe-id. Whatever that is. So it’s currently unusable and sitting in rice.

Paolo, I assume you are using your station-issued portable radio to listen to me now. While ensuring the continued wellbeing of my boyfriend is admirable and I appreciate it very much, good journalism is pursuing the story. The story in this case is MacGyver of the vague, yet menacing government agency.

Try talking to him. Text me what you find out.

Oh. It’s pronounced “dihydrogen monoxide.”

And it’s water.

I had something else planned for today’s Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner, but honestly, I think this about covers it. There you have it, kids, water is secretly dihydrogen monoxide. Can it kill you? Yes, if there’s enough of it. So, dihydrogen monoxide is water’s secret supervillain identity, although it’s equally dangerous if not more in its ordinary, regular form of liquid sustenance.

This has been today’s Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner. And now, traffic.

A man drives a jeep through a town. It is green, and the man has nice hair, if not perfect. He is not a scientist, despite what he claims.

He glances over at his single passenger, a high school junior wearing a red intern shirt and a nametag neatly pinned to it.

Whatever it is you’re doing here, the passenger says, I can help.

I doubt that, the man says. As for what I’m doing here…

He shakes his head and fixes his gaze more firmly on the road. He is not from around here. He does not understand how the world works in this town, and is handling it remarkably well for being an interloper.

I can help, the passenger says again. And even if I can’t, my boss assigned me to cover you while you were in town.

Cover me? The man asks. He raises an eyebrow. 

The passenger turns on the radio. 

Hello, MacGyver.

This has been traffic.

Before I get to anything else, the city council would like me to remind you all that while time travel is technically legal, it is still highly discouraged. The city council would also like me to remind any time travelers that the year is 2013, the month is August, and they will be far more welcome prior to December of last year.

Time travelers traveling just a little farther back will receive a warm welcome and permanent lodging in the abandoned mineshaft outside of town, which recently received HBO. It’s a good deal, folks—a really great way to catch up on all your favorite shows.

Hang on a moment. Intern Paolo is texting me again. Something about… oh dear. I had better clear this up.

Let’s go to [ the weather](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKCtYVioBpk).

The new man in town has left town much the same way he arrived to it, in his convertible green jeep. According to Paolo, he had been attempting to explain things to this interloper when I mentioned time travel, and then the year.

According to Paolo, MacGyver thought the year was 1983, and summarily panicked. Thus the leaving town.

I’m getting reports now that, as soon as his jeep crossed the city limits, it and all its contents disappeared. Perhaps MacGyver was returned to his own time, or perhaps not. We will never kn—

Intern Paolo was with him.

Well then. To the family and friends of Intern Paolo, he was a good intern, and will be missed. But perhaps we will someday see him again. Perhaps he will return to Night Vale in thirty years for him, but no time at all for us.

Or perhaps, we will never see him again. We never know when we will be seeing anyone for the last time, listeners. We never know when we will be talking with a loved one for the last time, or texting, or anything at all. Except when we do, of course, and then the final parting is that much more bittersweet.

Stay tuned next for the sounds of attempting to resuscitate a waterlogged cell phone via rice and chanting. Good night, Night Vale. Good night.

**Author's Note:**

> Will anyone besides my mother read this? Probably not. But I'm putting it here anyway as testament to just how deep in crossover hell I am. At least this one was quick.


End file.
